Thoughts
by shara gurl
Summary: As the sun descends, a man walks down a lonely country road, he looks back on the shadows of the past and finds light at the end of the tunnel.


DISCLAMER:- Don't own Kenshin and no amount of tears can change that.

The sun bloodies the sky as it descends, giving way to the night; but I continue to walk on to my unknown destination. I have seen this road a

thousand times, but walked it for the first.

I usually smile as I walk, to assure the people around me that my sword won't be drawn, that's what I tell myself, at least. There is no gentle

smile from me today, there's no one to receive it. But that's not the

reason. Partly, but not the reason .My eyes narrow further

My walking slows. So does my breathing. Am I tired? Far from it. Neither physically nor mentally, at least that's what I tell myself ... down right lie, but, it's what I tell myself. I have my reasons. Pride? No. Survival. Although my body is in good shape despite it's delicate appearance, my mind feels like it's deteriorating. All that time ... gone. All those lives ... gone, and all that blood ... it's still here. Taking permanent residence on my hands. That blood only my mind sees and it makes it weak. It would be so easy for me to go lie down and never get up. Death is too selfish. I would be denying people too many things, revenge, protection with my blunt sword ... death is selfish. My eyes widen slightly. Not all death, but ... my eyes close. Yes, mine would be.

My breathing turns to sighing as I walk … alone. Some people would say the Gods above hate me, or that I had a sad fate. Fools, the bunch of them. It was not fate that lead me here, it was my choices and those alone. Man is responsible for his own actions. It was not the stars that turned me into what I am any more than the gods above are responsible for my neglect of Master Hiko's wise words. His words ... the words that will stay with me

forever. "The sword is a weapon. Kenjutsu is a killing technique."

Kami-sama, why hadn't I listened? Why hadn't Master sto – no! It was my

choice! Nothing he could have said would have stopped me; my mind was made up………. my future decided.

I slip my hands in my sleeves as my teeth begin to chatter. Darkness has fallen and I have not even noticed. I pick up my pace as if to warm myself, I could maybe find lodging before too long. I walk and as I walk I don't allow myself to think.

I walk on. Further distances stripping me of the hope of a warm fire . My walking slows and my musing continues. I saved some lives, but I took the lives of other human beings. I created widows out of women and robbed children of their fathers. I can almost smell their tears and can still smell the blood. Sometimes, I forget why I ever joined the war … aahhh, yes: to protect. I smile to myself mockingly; ironic isn't it? I join to protect and end up a Hitokiri. Kami-sama, I hate that word …"Hitokiri" …I can taste blood just by thinking about it. What a life I have had ...life? No. I have never lived. Existing is not living.

My hand grabs the hilt of my sword as I hear the scream of a woman. My legs speed into action – so fast – I can hardly see them pumping beneath me.

My thoughts slow but they still continue. I will save her, then move on

because this is my new existence, an existence free of death and destruction. This, maybe, can be called a life . Never again will I have the blood of another on my hands. I was a Hitokiri , I cannot change the past and it will always be my shadow and follow me wherever I chance may take me. But it won't define me. I swear that till my dying breath I will protect

the ones who need protecting, I will let neither man ... nor woman, die

before my eyes again. Never again!

My speed increases tremendously as the woman screams again. I can sense her better now, her Ki frightened, and then I realize the reason she's

screaming. She is not alone. Four men with aggressive Ki's, one, a trained

swordsman, the others undoubtedly lackeys. Strange though. Why would a woman be out so late on a deserted country road? I push these thoughts out of my mind. Whatever the reason, I must save her.

I still cannot see her. I run ever faster; my thoughts begin to

dissipate. I will exist this way untill the day I die. Creating and

retrieving, not destroying. Protecting and not killing.

She screams again. No! Oh, time's running out, I cannot think; I must put

all my energy into running.

I WILL SAVE HER.

These are my last thoughts. My mind reads blank of worded thought as I

hurtle through the air towards rescue.


End file.
